People are like onions – many layers hide the tender core. And when you go to peel off the layers, you usually cry.Entangled by expectations, prejudices, upbringing and our own thoughts, we often cannot give ourselves a clear idea of why we do this or that, why our life looks the way it does and what is the reason for that quiet feeling of dissatisfaction, as if somewhere there is always something waiting for us – good.
We make all the decisions in our lives driven by the need for security. A secure job, a secure home, no risks even when we choose where to travel. People do not like to feel uncertain and always choose the known over the unknown. But if you know what’s going to happen to you every day of your life, you’re going to want something else to happen to you, right? You will ask yourself: “Well, isn’t there something else”? And then comes the other need… for uncertainty. If you are not afraid to try new things – from dishes to professions, if you actively want to get out of your comfort zone, then your life is more colorful and you feel alive. The quality of our days depends on the amount of uncertainty we are willing to tolerate. That’s why the most interesting people embrace risk and their lives often turn around for the better. But the balance between security and uncertainty alone is not enough for man. He also needs…to feel important. We even have a word for it – VIP. Someone VERY IMPORTANT. And everyone wants to be a VIP. Unfortunately, nowadays it is only associated with money. The more you have, the more important you are. However, significance is also determined by the influence that you and your activities have on others. Does your work contribute to something, are you meaningful to people? Doctors, teachers and firefighters, for example, have extremely important professions that are important to the whole society. If you manage to find within yourself what makes you significant, you will live your days more meaningfully and happily. On the other side of the scale, however, is the next human need. The need to be loved and accepted. To be significant, one must be different from others, not be like them. But at the same time, we need to feel part of the whole, to be well received and loved. From our family, from our colleagues, from the people we communicate with. That is why famous people who have become important are often lonely. Because their scales have tipped too much in one direction. It is difficult to accept too many different ones.
There’s a fine balance to be struck between being different, but not too aloof, and remaining lonely and misunderstood. These are ego needs. Me versus others. But even if you were able to satisfy all these ego-needs, you would not have achieved much. Because the next need, from which our actions should be guided, distinguish some people as leaders or just happy people who have found the meaning of their lives -The need for development. Everything in nature evolves. With each passing year, the trees grow taller, the flowers in the meadow grow more. So it is with man. If we do not develop, if we do not feel that we are becoming a better version of ourselves, we will not achieve happiness and harmony with ourselves. Even if everything else is fine with us, a quiet sense of dissatisfaction will haunt us. Because the need for growth is primordial and we must comply with it.
Absolutely all human actions stem from the desire to satisfy basic human needs. Which need predominates for you?